Believe me when my son reached 18months, not only did I stock up his underpants, I stock up potty too. I bought the innovative design potty, the patented padding, the Thomas Train.. The Ben 10.. The Mickey features before I resolved to the typical red plastic potty that is easily available in any market here.

Before I could try the most suggested trick of distracting my son with his favorite book or some new catchy book, I was still pretty much stuck in pre-Stage 1. Struggling in getting him to sit on the potty. A strange little weird ‘chair’ which did appear far more fascinating to look and touch than to sit before it starts to intimidate his senses upon sitting it. Well, my hubby suggested, “Let him play with the potty for a few days and see if he likes it.” I stared at him. LoL…

After much attempts and glasses of water to replenish my damaged DNA cells, I finally get him to sit on it. The next question was “How to get him to poop in that potty??” See, he has always been doing it in his diaper, standing. A nursery teacher once told me that boys tend to do it in a standing position facing wall and insisting nobody touching them. Well, she’s so right and since each kid has their own uniqueness, mine is a little daring. He poops standing away from our table and standing in the middle of restaurants with his long pants pulled half way down.

The next thing I tried was laid open a diaper in his potty and let him sit on it. He was very persistent in getting the diaper up to put it on than I was with my persistence in giving up potty training him. After a few attempts I called up an urgent teleconference meeting with my hubby and we both resolved that we leave the potty training to the nursery. Yeah!

Upon registering my son to preschool, we were told diaper is strictly prohibited. In other words, diaper will be prosecuted. LoL… Yikes! So much for the cheering, now we have to get back to step one i.e. abolish the diaper pooping operation thingy ASAP… DIY.

So how? One morning, seeing my son attempted to poop, immediately I reached the potty and get his diaper off. The next thing, undoubtedly, he cried and insisted with his persistence in pooping in the diaper. With the full blast crying, I persevered and kept comforting him with a made up story. “My dear, if you poop in the diaper, the worms are gonna crawl up like spiders to your butt and to your tummy! Yikes! We do not want that. It’s disgusting. If you poop in the magic potty, your poop is coming out fast like a magic! And, the worms would stay in the potty. They can’t crawl up your butt or tummy anymore! Yea!”

After repeating this made up boogie for 15-20 minutes, the next thing you know, he decided to walk to the potty and sit on it. But then, he already doesn’t feel like pooping. Nevertheless, feeling my sweat all over me, I praised him repeatedly. So much for a 20minute battlefield with much mercy on my little kid’s lost urge for nature call.

The next day, he took out the potty, sat on it and pooped in it. Ever since then, it was that easy. Phew….

As I’m typing this post, facing me on the dining table is a small stack of magazines waving to me. When was the last time you get to flip those magazines page just for leisure? Well, on the other corner standing tall is a box of Chinese New Year love letters which I just bought yesterday at a painful price of MYR46, though at a discount. Also, leaning next to it is my son’s favorite Jacob’s Cream Crackers. These are usually not visible on my dining. But as we slack a little, we allow petty stuff to climb it’s way up to contemptuous bottle neck.

Here is a list of things I wish to do but never get to do it so far. I wouldn’t say they are the brought forward resolutions from stale years but more of a wonderland thing. Sometimes by just listing down the empty spots of life helps dissipates the scornful mockery of restlessness.

1. Hire a Housekeeping Chief so I do not have to live my days with house chores-shock.
2. Hire a 9-5 Babysitter at home so I can still have a decent close chats with my son and 5-more-minutes longer for makeup and more ’space’ for nonsense writing
3. Hire an Inhouse Chef cum Nutritionist so I do not have to worry about where to dine. Less being haunt by guilt of not cooking, at least a decent home cooked food for my 3year old.
4. Hire a Driver to chauffeur my 3year old to his preschool, on time, at least for once.
5. Hire a marriage savior, Gym Instructor so I don’t get my head to toe dragged down by the gravity.
6. Hire a Home Boy (the Office Boy version) to run the errands of paying the non-acceptance of standing-instruction Water Bills, the 2weeks expiry date of groceries and plenty of low-cholesterol eggs. Are they really as healthy as they claimed for consumption? Oh, please help me pay more attention to my very much abandoned letter box!

If my hubby read this list, that is if he ever read a blog, he’s sure to say, “Wa… I’m not David Beckham you know.” LoL…

So…….. what’s left for me?
1. More time for slower pace breathing.
2. More time to appreciate the morning dew.
3. More time to research on asian market botox and collagen supplement. LoL…
4. More time to surf-and-shop.
5. More time to chat with all my housewife’s friends who share the same life of momhood devoid of luxury.
6. More time to read all the advance purchases from Amazons. Oh, I’m fictions allergic. LoL…
7. More time to plan for a smoother sail in domestic affair.
8. More time to learn up the 100 kinship terminology before every Chinese New Year.
9. More time to read on how to pray His Words.
10. More time to watch Hallmark movies though I’m not much of a tv person.

Last but not least, more time to look for more reasons of not having to work. LOL…

Naw, I do miss the pay checks though. Anyway, the kinks of working life is far better than the impeding freedom of momhood. I wonder how many digits is required to be able to afford to hire the above wonderland list. Well, my next page tab reads JobStreet.com. Will I be lucky to land on another heavenly job this time??

Here are some tips I learn from my child pediatrician, child specialists books and generous experienced moms.

Wrist soft band toys are perfect to encourage grasping and best for tactile stimulation too. They’re also available for baby stroller. For newborn baby to 6months old, they are easily attracted to high contrast colors i.e. black, red and white. Stimulating their mind with toys consisting these colors help increase their potential for learning.

Pop-up toys increases kids sense of control and provides a good ’cause and effect’. Seeing the ’cause and effect’ motion, they are learning that ‘for every action, there is a reaction’.

Colorful soft balls provide great pleasure for throwing, rolling, grasping and hiding.

Toys with moving parts that move with gravity not only promotes eye-hand coordination but also help develop attending skills which is much needed for brain development.

This pelican bird toy enables toddlers to put things in and take them out. It encourages curiosity and a great sense of exploration.

Blocks is a must for kids. It boosts their self confidence and a great sense of achievement. Train set helps promote a sense of manipulation to kids. For the kia-su parents, perhaps the longest train set the better! Our toddler could learn how to manipulate better. LoL… Don’t worry, nothing in doing that coz that was what I did. Bwahahahaha!

Saying from my own victimized experience, if you wish to stay within the budget, keep your credit cards safely at home. Enjoy shopping

The stretch of residence along Pengkalan Weld, adjacent to Jetty Harbour, remained the target of swarms of photographers and bloggers with their respective gigantic Nikons and Canons.
Stalks of sugar canes, giant joss sticks and roasted piglet are mostly what they served to their Jade Emperor on a big red high block table placed proportionally in front of their house and right on the street. The illegal yet daring, release of fireworks echoed the night away till the touch of morning sun light where every streets are creep with weird silence.

It’s only 9pm now and as I’m laying back on my lazy bed, retiring from the event packed week, my son is dosing off just right beside me with his empty milk bottle escaping his little forgetful lips. Guess we’ll be missing yet another year of a planned excursion which I so believe would fascinates my 3year old especially when the clock strikes 12.

With much undue insistence of what momhood has dispatched so far, here’s a toast to year 2010.  Lifting up the “G” (All Ages) Chinese New Year green can, it’s Jolly Shandy not Carlsberg, “With health, with wealth, with happiness, a toast to momhood. Auspicious greetings to our friends who matter to us and our dear ones who are always close to our hearts.”

Why must a married couple have kids? Foreseeing the heavy laden in which one must carry on their shoulders for at least  a two decade! What an aftermath for every step we tumbled! Perhaps an overlooked anticipation not foreseeable back then??

Seeing their little fingers touching us with complete trust, awaken my doubt on self reliability upon myself;
Their messy hair sticking on the forehead of their innocent face, looking into your eyes searching for your confirmation of love, awaken yet another doubt of my being a good parent at all…

Feeding them, cleaning them, from diaper changing to clearing their potty, sending them off to bed as early as the elasticity of our self-discipline could permit, sending them off and back from school in the midst of chaotic traffic jam, rushing against time for their infinite after school tuitions, squeezing in between yellow lines for dropoff and pickups for… at least 14years per pax! Welcome to momhood Sarah! Are you even ready???

The definition of ’self indulgence’ is slowly slipping off my mind. Pushing every marriage nearer to the cliff. Where is the time for Cleopatra-ing? Making time for our look does matter especially for ladies even right to our 50s. In chinese, it’s called, self-love. I wouldn’t say it’s not a necessity in a marriage. But seeing positive changes in us once in a while, does help pull back the intense parenthood-effect relationship.

So much dispatches from momhood, the darnest is the stronghold of losing the freedom of free spirit. Wives, some happily, paid effort in the family at the cost of ’self-destruction’ with regards to not just beauty but health! Whereas, men, paid effort in searching for entertainment to their…. eyes? What’s the point of getting married in the first place? Commitment demands a high hill of faithfulness. Unfortunately faithfulness spells boredom to many asian chinese married man while married ladies generously committing themselves in swallowing spiky durians just for the sake of the family. Momhood or sillyhood? Is it eating us all in a way?

To the single ladies, look carefully before you leap and don’t breed. LOL…

This is my hubby’s favorite hot spot for a baba nyonya delicacy! He has brought practically all of his invited guests and relatives to eat here. Gosh, it’s really a HOT spot. Coming here, you might want to wear something light and casual. Something minimalist. It’s like setting up a table and chairs with only a standing fan in the middle of a desert with the blazing scorching heat eating kangkung belacan, belacan chicken, cilipadi…. LoL. I can’t imagine myself eating there with stockings and layered makeups I’ve seen ladies who probably was on their first time, coming here with the latest trendy Japanese winter hat! Gosh, I think bikini would be a way better idea disregarding the asian guys and ahpek staring at you.

Well, Teik Seng will be moving from Chulia Street, Penang to 18 & 20 GroundFloor, Carnavon Street, Penang on 16 March 2010 onwards! I think it’s going to be way cooler there.

*Sambal Belacan Kacang Botol

*Sambal Belacan Kangkung

*Curry Fish



*Fried ‘Kapa’ with beancurd paste / Fried ‘Lala’ with beancurd paste

*Fried Roasted Pork with Cilipadi

Fried Belacan Chicken

*Steamed 3 types of Eggs

Steamed Herbal Chicken

Also to try their *Assam King Prawns and seasonal ‘Mui Choy Kao Yok’ !!
*Signature Dish

Finally moving. Phew….

Wow…

Whenever I’m greeted with a horizon like that… and being with just the right guy alone… the mood sets in. Errrr… you know, like…

His breathing sound filled the silence.
The lady brushing slowly and gently on the guy’s hand with her fancy nails, “My dear….”
The guy still holding her in his arm, “Hmm?”
The lady whispered… “I want you to touch me.”
…….
Cut!
LOL…. I wouldn’t say it’s a made up script and…. so much for cross examining. Let’s get to the main event.

Okie, here’s a line to sway your attention away from your stressful job at least for a sec.

You know, a guy actually brought a chinese medicated oil with him on a date by the seaside… you know, the ones the Chinese uses all the time to ease headache or when someone fainted? Well, not that he’ll faint in a date or suffering some sort of migraine, he just hates mosquitoes. Yikes! Cute… but a little off the limit. LoL… Hubby, I didn’t mention your name here.

So for the subsequent Valentine’s Day, she bought him the same brand of chinese medicated oil, same size, LARGE. LOL…

Happy Valentine to all my friends here!

This spells the welcoming chapter of yet another dawn that greets me…
He lifted me but left me in a tribe.
A tribe where they speak… pretentious, insincere, elaborate.
It’s oh… so intellectually vacuous?
Yet I shall walk the path with the vision of him, at the end.
With or without…
Taking on the role of an uninformed and infamous lulu.
That’s very near to my real name
Their binoculars translate a mediocre joining the bourgeois ideologist tribe.
But I shall be encouraged of what I have within.
Though never the 36-24-36
Their deep vengeance pursuit sparked off the infinite pathetic race.
Horrendous disparity is the only word I see in the pit.
So much documentaries… all of which I have no interest in.
Knowing humiliation is what they have installed for you since day one to the end.
Fleeting the troupe isn’t an option.
It’s binding upon your life.
An oath I uttered… in my vows.
So much for yet… sigh… so little…
Believing in unfortunately, only an unsung song.
Never the rose in the beholder’s eyes…
Cheers to you, my dear…
To our unwieldy welcoming applaud and to the withering autumn…
Waiting…

This is as much as I can remember about my past decade. Not much worries really… except about… how to get rid of all the outdated cloths without letting my mom know;

Before checking on the gym, check on the guy members… not the scary excessive muscles and definitely not the bulging eyes that says out loud he’s humping on you;

Strictly pubs that were swarmed with more ‘Chivas’ and less ‘XOs’; branded handbags and slim light menthol cigarettes; bikinis that have mercy on the methodology of “not everybody has 36-24-36″;

2 months due hairstyles; online nighties shopping… errr… please do not mistaken me as a SM fan but if you look at all the nighties that are available locally, they’re meant more for winter clothing? I think my grandma used to have a sexier shredded collection than what they have to offer here. LoL… Don’t believe everything I wrote. Remember, this is my stress release blog.

Priority then: Beauty, Career, Fun??

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Aged 30s: The Punishment Phase

So much for the fictitious ride, upon touching 30, we’re bombarded mercilessly with reality… the true impression of life… OMG, night crying babies; OMG the exhausting hourly breastfeeding; OMG the manual operations of diaper changing; OMG the hand scrubbing exercise in kitchen learning how to cook; OMG bestowed the maid of the house… then comes the exciting part!

Married men never fail to swerve their eyes on ladies younger than us by decades… while the wives try to make time to hide their mayhem skin, not forgetting our screaming kids a.k.a. the classic mozart background especially on weekends! Catch me, I’m fainting. What a total blackout.

The term friends start to be a countable noun now; inlaw episodes somehow just get spicier; the dawn of financial planning stress; idiotically topping up house & car mortgages;

Dilemma of choosing between a perfect body and stop at 1 OR tear our body apart and add one more rebellious prodigy child… suddenly it’s so much about the lunatic amazing race with the haunt of so much insecurity of a marriage and what a tiring strenuous lonely effort it is to maintain a happy family. Maybe I should start drawing eyes and mouth on one of my son’s basket ball, named him like Tom Hanks did then start talking as if I’m talking to my hubby. LoL…

How come wealth accumulation is never an issue in 20s or 30s?? There really isn’t much! LoL… So, hopefully it comes at 50s??

Priority now: Health, Marriage, Happiness??

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Aged 40s: The Suffering Call

I think IF I can’t survive my 30s in one piece, then I might as well just hammer myself when I reach 40. This is like the staggering stage. Wife depending on more Botox dosage while the then financially stabled hubby secretly betrayed in his hunt for temptress adventure.

Whose hubby’s scandal affair is painfully out and about in the gossips loop; whose hubby has become the next Donald Trump; whose kids did NOT get straight As; who has NOT traveled to the moon…

A friend of mine asked, “So much to gobble up in one mouth, what’s the point of life?” Err… be as much ignorant as you possibly could and laugh more???

Priority then: Health, Marriage, Kids??

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Aged 50s: The Bugis Dance!

If I have the chance of touching 50, I’d be congratulating myself! I’ve made it through all the rough rides! Ready for a smooth sail… but would I still have the health?? Sarah, quick, get back to your yoga class and start eating healthy!  If you have plenty to add here, please try to make it sound explicitly fun. Else, you’ll banish our dear last hope of Happily Ever After’s dream.

Priority then: Health, Fun, Happiness??

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I’d be very much contented with life if I ‘have’ my life partner’s heart and his faithful lifetime companionship over world most expensive diamonds. Not exaggerating here. Not every wife has this privilege now. Yea… what a shocking generation flip eh… Now I begin to be so envious of my father inlaw’s commitment to my mom inlaw. What to do, my hubby doesn’t hold the same concept of relationship as I do or at least like his dad.

It’s like walking on a busy street with my hubby and son to enjoy the new year fireworks. But deep down you know his attention, heart, eyes and all his might are literally searching for targets, yes search, while the wife and son are mere backdrop. To a certain degree, it’s totally acceptable. At least you know you’re not married to a gay. But being caught in a lifetime extreme cases…. it does make one feel kinda a lonely loner.

You don’t get the holding hands or at least putting his arm over you or over your waist line, looking at your eyes, talking to you, appreciating the moment. But how come I see that on so many aunty uncle! I so admire you, aunty uncle. All my overseas experiences??? Gosh, it’s like a big owl being released in the thick woods! LoL… Forget about his attention to any trip. Being his wife in trips, it’s always about crying a river before returning??

He’d much prefer looking like a Hongky Superstar throughout his life than giving any attention to his wife or at least his little family. Forget about asking him to snap shots of me. No wonder I hardly change my hundred years old facebook profile pic. I have written him memos and tonnes of them just to get him out of his self pursuit agendas for a little family time with his entire presence. Guess, it all depend on individual upbringing.

Long hug… nevertheless… I still can’t have enough of him every day. Still luv him so dearly. I think when we’re old, he’ll probably still see me wiping his old wrinkled hands. But if anything happened to me, I think I’ll be so done being ditched. OMG! Same verdict as all their previous sick house pets :O

Lesson Learned: My hubby asked if he’ll look good in highlighted hair. I told him, try BLUE. That’s the feeling anyway

We never plan BIG parties, BIG celebrations, BIG wedding… nothing showy. I only wanted a wedding in the garden by the beach/pool. Serving finger food buffet brunch with live band instruments playing in the background. A simple wedding gown b-a-r-e-f-o-o-t-e-d.

Instead, I ended up in a typical chinese style dinner banquet. No way to escape. Substantially, it’s actually… due to the fact that both my pastors can’t make it in the morning or afternoon. I tried negotiating other dates with them, they still can’t make it too. I even tried the back door. His wife. LoL…

I remember, for no apparent reason, I printed out all the loops of my email correspondence I’ve had with the hotel management for my wedding to be held in the garden by the pool-cum-beachside buffet lunch, stare at it for a moment before I threw it all away. For your kind info, I do not suffer any mental disorder ya, only slight constipation at that time. LoL.

So far, I’ve never attended any wedding held in the garden. Who would want to go barefooted in their wedding? Me! Which is why you never see my wedding/evening gown any BIGGER than others coz I’ve been hoping so much for a barefooted wedding by the beach in the day time. Brief and simple. The make-up they did on me, can I comment?

My wedding date was hardly 2 months away when we decided to tie the knot. The date was believed to be an auspicious day specially picked by my mom-in-law. It’s her blessings for us though I did feel a bit uncomfortable (the opposite of ‘abit’ is ‘enormous’) with the short notice fearing all the unwanted consequences… i.e. wedding photographer’s team treating you like trash and kept eying at your tummy all the time… and giving relatives the impression that I was knocked up (pregnant) before wedding, besides it’s all too rush for me to plan anything.

Love your EXPRESS wedding photos or not, you have to swallow it. It’s just RM1,200 afterall. They can squeeze a brief slot for you in their 6months ahead fully booked schedule and get it out in time. The outcome? Thank goodness I was on empty stomach when we went to collect our album. I wanted a redo but I was told not to coz his parents said their son look like a Hong Kong superstar. There goes my only next hope… the wedding photos.

Then on top of the 2 months manic rush, the company that I worked for went into a chaotic state, all the staff including me are required to work till 9pm-10pm everyday with no exceptions.

Not much help was being offered from siblings, being handicapped, my wedding did turn out pretty chaotic, LOL. My mom almost blacked out wondering why a big group of relatives didn’t make it to the last minute. There’s a hidden hiccups here though, reason being, pure omission error? I’d rather remain it a secret. Remember, everything was a rush. My mom’s business peak period has always been August – January every year. We were really bare handed with no help. Nah… I didn’t cry. I only farted. ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing).

So desperate to postpone the date till next year… Nevertheless, we are much obliged to the elders. Ya, I’m still living in the chinese empress era. The date is set. It’s their blessings. Though I did sort of traded my dream wedding away being squeezed in between two contrasting wishes of the elders… either “wedding exclusively for direct relatives with RM600++ per table with allocated seats arrangement” OR “book Che Hoon Khor Moral Uplifting Society Penang and invite as many as possible without having to arrange for a thing called, allocated seats“.

Obviously one of them have to give way. Before the wedding, one was pulling her face for not being able to invite all her business close buddies and gang. Another pulled the face after the wedding coz the seats were not fully allocated. In the end, Sarah has to go to her facial beauty salon to get her face pulled tighter after being caught in between so much tug-of-war. Was it not my wedding?? Why do I fail to explode then?

One thing though, I should have put up an eye catching sign with the arrow pointing at our standing wedding photo by the ballroom entrance… “Attention All Aunties and Uncles, Don’t be Too Happy Just Yet. She’s NOT Pregnant. >>>” LoL.

To all the beautiful loving wedded couples with babies, it’s truly a great blessing considering not everybody can conceive so easily. Totally nothing wrong with it. Just that my mom has a thing against it and she’ll lift up a broom chasing after me if it happens to me. Come to think of it, she’ll probably use the portable vacuum cleaner hose! She can be that scary at times.

Relatives probably concluded that I get my dream wedding and… bla bla bla. Unfortunately, my dream never came true but at least I am wedded to a family guy (or is he?) , all I ever wanted.

A barefooted wedding or not, my wedding photo hanging up high in my inlaw/grandparent’s house or not (sssh… there was not even a proper photo taken of every tribe, an intended purported wedding or an unintended wedding? Sherlock Holmes dismissed my case as a case too vague due to a string of too much farting event involved… ROFL), most importantly, my marriage lasts a lifetime. Goosebumps! Lol…

Hey, I’m sure we’ve heard enough tales about friends getting divorced and 9 out of 10 cases is always about third party! That’s the real goosebumps. The Happy Family Marathon baton is really in the hands of our hubby.

Hope you’ll benefit from all the implied things-to-note of a complete wedding and May The Lord God BLESS your marriage to last a lifetime as I hope He’ll bless mine too.

Lesson Learned: Don’t get married?? LOL…

If it didn’t happen, it’s still a date to remember. A date where all the shouts of predictions would come to a silent, well, at least for a while. Questions lay unanswered. When. Or does it really matter knowing when?

It’s like, looking into a crystal ball… asking for the date of your life. Would it make any difference knowing the date? Would you actually be able to live your life any differently?

Or would you actually be living in a dreaded fear that haunt you for the rest of your life only to count down to the date? Yikes! So stay away from ‘crystal balls’. It’ll do us more harm than good.

Sometimes it’s better off not knowing. End of the world or ‘yet’, we all still need to leave this earth eventually. Good Jane or not, every human being still have to face their expected/unexpected after life.

Here are two little snippets for you to enjoy. They are the impromptu outputs of the brains of married men with high income. They were pretty stressed with work I guess. Can tell from their response. LoL…

A guy once said that when end of the world happens, he’ll break in to his favorite world class brand outlet and get as many shirts as he wants. But in the panic outbreak between life and death???

Another guy said that if end of the world will happen in his lifetime, he’ll spend all his savings buying a house bigger than a mansion, change his car to a million dollar car and travel around the world as much as his loan allows him coz once he’s dead, he doesn’t have to pay! Yikes! Ya, if IT happens after his life, great… he’ll end up a bankruptcy and he’ll probably gets to travel FREE around the jail for the rest of his life too.

Some Chinese have heard that it was once predicted by a Chinese calendar that the world would come to an end in year 2000. The same, when the world was taken over by one world war after another killing and torturing hundreds of thousands of lives. I’m sure there were many similar predictions back then. Let’s just say we all prayed it through and survived it. Treasure each day and the ones we love while we still can.